Families on the Field

Written By Great Commission Council

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STATEMENT

A family on the mission field will encounter both opportunities and challenges unique to their ministry assignment. In addition to being equipped and qualified, it is necessary to have a strong foundation of dependence on the Lord and a growing trust in His kind providence. With this foundation in mind, a family can better navigate expectations, attitudes, and responses to issues such as community, cross-cultural living, healthcare, education, and security.

Have you ever had a moment of questioning your life choices? One day, you’re strolling along, and suddenly, doubts hit you out of nowhere. Our family had just gotten back into the country where we serve, and I was on my way to the grocery store when anxious thoughts nearly knocked me off my scooter. What in the world are we doing here? My heart began to squeeze tightly, and fear descended. Our family does not belong here. We don’t fit into this culture. These people are living for very different things. I watched wealthy people pour out of the malls in their fashionable clothing, knowing that drugs and prostitutes were right around the corner. Suddenly, I thought, “Why did we come to this place? How can we possibly make any impact? And what are we doing raising our three boys here?”

The Bible shows that God values family and uses families to minister to those around them. This may be even more true for families who go overseas to make His name known. Prospective missionaries undergo much ministry and cultural training to prepare for their work on the field [1]. This training should also include how to care for our families while living overseas. Every parent must navigate many decisions about education, medical care, safety, and more, but on the field, the options and resources likely are limited. Families need to be equipped to stay on the field long-term and thrive, Lord willing. While we can never anticipate all the challenges a family will face, we should wisely consider some common challenges for families serving in a cross-cultural context.

Let us consider some of the most challenging concerns for a family on the field while recognizing these same challenges can also be opportunities.

Where Is Home?

Every person is created with a desire for home. A place that is safe. A place that is secure. A place that is stable. A place to go back to after being out in the world. For missionaries, and especially for the children of missionaries, the simple question of, “Where are you from?” can feel quite complex. When asked this by someone new, my children often look to me to help them answer. Is home the Asian country they were born in? Is it one of Mom or Dad’s home countries or the place we most often visit? Or are they from the current country we call home but is not their passport country? Responses vary each time, depending on if this stranger will become a friend. So, the kids wrestle with whether this person should know more about them or, if it’s just a simple greeting, if they should give a basic answer. But the question can often cause our kids a deeper struggle each year or two when we go back to the USA. They leave behind the known and stable community of Asia to be reintroduced to friend groups in various towns across America whom they see once every couple of years. Each time, they ask, “Why do we have to leave? Why can’t we stay?” It’s not a preference for one country over another. It’s a need for stability, comfort, and belonging. 

These desires are not wrong in and of themselves, so as parents, we want to understand how our children feel. It is hard to see the confusion of “Where am I from? Where do I belong? Who are my friends?” It is hard to see them struggle with loneliness and insecurity. Yet, the beauty of these conversations is that we repeatedly say to our children (and ourselves): Home is with God. Heaven is what our hearts are truly longing for. Jesus is the friend that sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). Our prayer is that God will show Himself as ever faithful to their little hearts, and they will know intimacy with Him in ways that would have been harder had they never had difficulty in answering the question, “Where is home?”

What About Our Extended Family?

Going overseas with a family and leaving behind extended family can be a truly heart-wrenching process. The desire to take the gospel to the nations is strong, but the pain of leaving behind a family we love deeply and want our children to know and love is just as real. It is a sacrifice, both for us and for our extended family. Some family members will send us off with wholehearted support, but not without tears. Others, especially those who are not followers of Christ, will vehemently oppose what we are going to do, especially when we’re taking our children with us. When choosing to go overseas, we need to be aware of the sacrifices our extended families make and try to make opportunities for those relationships to grow from afar [2].

It may also feel sacrificial for us. I never felt the sacrifice of being far from our extended family until two things happened. First, we had children, and our siblings had children. Our nieces and nephews grew up, and we didn’t really know them–not how we would have known them had we been in their neighborhoods and spent holidays and birthdays with them. Secondly, our extended family don’t really know our children either. Sure, we call once a week. They send gifts for special days. Grandparents try to do special things with them when we are around. The visits are more intentional because they are so infrequent.

The distance can be challenging, but it’s not impossible, especially with the blessing of the internet. Along with the losses that come from having extended family far away also comes the privilege of seeing God’s family take more of its rightful place. Our children benefit from having grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, and uncles who share none of their DNA but who love them deeply because of their love for Christ. Our kids get to grow up with extra “cousins,” too.

Some may be serving in a place where there is not yet a local church. Let me encourage you to work to build a healthy biblical church where you are with the believers you have around you, regardless of what role you are serving on the field. Let these brothers and sisters become your family’s extended family. The body of Christ was always meant to be our most faithful family. Remember Jesus’s words to Peter in Luke 18: ”Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God,  who will not receive many times more in this time, and in the age to come eternal life.’” [3] The church is our eternal family.

Is It Safe?

While in the US, I have been asked a handful of times, “Are you taking your children back with you?” What I think they are really asking is, “Is it safe? Will your children be okay?” Some of this fear comes from a lack of knowledge of particular cultures. Some of this fear comes from being all too aware of dangers in some other countries. As those who hope to go overseas or as a church that will send a missionary, we must consider this, especially for some of the more politically unstable parts of the world. We must be aware of the realities of life where we will serve. We need to be mindful of the dangers that our family may face. A missionary family serving in Northern Iraq will have different safety concerns than those serving in Mexico City. Those in Russia will be thinking through different potential situations that might arise than those in Bangkok. There are different sorts of dangers wherever we serve. Friends of ours serve where bombs sometimes fall near their homes. Others live in places where gathering as believers invites government interference and police invasions of their services regularly. We live with our three sons growing up just around the corner from an alley full of brothels. None of these are safe places. What could possibly be the benefit of living in risky areas, if not outright dangerous? 

We must ask ourselves what we want our kids to value most. Do we want them to value safety above all else or understand that true security comes from knowing the Lord? Do we want them to value stability in their circumstances only or stability that comes from God alone? We must remember that we are not called to live safely. We are called to live boldly and beautifully for Jesus’ name among the nations. Our children learn that persecution for the sake of His name is the norm for Christians, not the exception. Our children learn that the Lord “is the stability of our times, an abundance of salvation wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is Zion’s treasure.” [4]

However, this is not a call to foolishness. It is a call for each family to consider the potential threats, together with their church leadership, and to make decisions based not on fear but faith. We can go or stay for the glory of God if done in faith. God’s presence is always with His children, and His glory is worth the sacrifice. 

Will There Be Enough?

Every parent wants to know that their children will have enough. Enough food. Enough clothes. Enough rest. This is undoubtedly true of medical care and education. As families consider moving overseas, they cannot help but wonder if the medical care and education opportunities will be enough, particularly if any family members have pre-existing health issues or if a family is accustomed to a particular educational set-up. These are not trivial concerns, and it is vital to think about them and pray about them before moving overseas.

While serving in West Africa, my teammate developed an allergy to millet, the region’s staple crop. While she was able to complete her term, a few years later, when considering where the Lord might lead her next, she had to consider that although she loved West Africa, it might not be wise to move there again, knowing her allergy only grew worse with every exposure. She also knew that the healthcare system could not handle severe allergic reactions. Choosing to go somewhere else is not wrong if healthcare might be insufficient for your needs. 

The same goes for education. Education opportunities in countries where poverty is rife may be severely diminished. There are good schools in some places, but they come with high price tags. A family must ask themselves, “Can we afford such costs? Can our family cope with the sacrifices that might need to be made to homeschool?” 

With every lack comes an opportunity for trust in the Lord’s adequate provision. While our kids may not have every opportunity that children in the West may have academically or otherwise, the incredible opportunities that children have living on the field are amazing—learning other cultures, learning to be adaptable, learning about God’s work in His big world to bring men and women of all backgrounds to Himself. Where healthcare is not what we’re used to, we can go to the great Physician, the One who knit our bodies together. No matter the lack or sacrifice, He will show Himself sufficient for everything we need and every situation we face!

Will My Kids Be Weird?

I have often looked at a family in the immigration office and thought to myself, “They’re missionaries.” Sometimes, you can tell whether it’s socks with their sandals (sorry to my wonderful friends who do this) or the Hawaiian shirts all year long. It might be the number of kids they have (missionaries tend to love large families). Or it might simply be the kindness the family treats one another with. 

I have often said, “I don’t want to raise weird missionary kids.” But the reality for missionaries and their children is that they won’t always fit in. They won’t always understand the culture they are growing up in. They won’t even understand the culture of their passport country despite understanding every word. This is a legitimate concern for our children. The reality is, yes, they may grow up and stick out among their peer groups on both sides of the ocean. Maybe they will grow up with oddities they picked up while living in their host culture that don’t go over so well when they return to their passport country. Guess what? That’s okay. As Christians, we are called to live as strangers in this world (1 Peter 2:11). We get the opportunity to help our children see that we were never meant to fit in completely because this world is ultimately not our home nor our true culture. We can help our children navigate these differences even as we learn how to navigate them. Growing up in another culture allows our children to learn humility as they see weaknesses in their home culture and the strengths of other cultures. Ultimately, growing up in a different culture allows our children to have a greater vision of who the Creator God is and His love for all His creation. 

What Is Our Hope?

In all these concerns and the many more that could be discussed, we must realize that our hope is not in finding the perfect circumstances for our family or even in the opportunities in the challenges that may arise. Our hope is in a person—the person of Jesus Christ. We must constantly go to Him with our hearts lifted and wills bowed down to His lordship. As we pray to Christ, throwing ourselves upon Him in the difficulties and confusion, and sometimes utter despair, we can remember His promise: “Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you.” [5]

So how did my scooter ride end on that day not so long ago when I was overwhelmed by our decision to raise our family far from our home culture, far from family, in a place fraught with dangers, feeling like we don’t belong? It ended with a gentle nudge of the heart that reminded me that God’s people are in this city. If God’s people are here, then I want to be here. I want to be poured out for His people so that they might worship the only One worthy. I want God to use our family—daddy, mommy, and three little boys–to show the world around us that Christ is deserving of all that we might sacrifice for His Name. And I want God to use the sacrifices of life overseas and the people and culture around us to show our boys that there is no greater joy than to see those who once walked in darkness come into the light that is Christ. What is our hope at home or far away, in safety or insecurity, in belonging or not, in life or death? Our hope is that we are not our own but belong to God. That is enough. He is enough. For us and our children.

Footnotes:

[1] See GCC article on Missionary Training, “Are They Ready?”

[2] See “What Missionary Grandparents Give Up–and Gain” by Mack Stiles https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/missionary-grandparents-give/

[3] Luke 18:29-30

[4] Isaiah 33:6

[5] Hebrews 13:5

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